So I went out to have a few beers with some other women last night. It was a Mommy group I found on Meetup.com...if you don't know about MeetUp... more about that later. We met at the new trendy microbrewery in my tiny Midwestern town. Since it was a Mommy group from the town and the only other option was a local pub where "the locals" went... and stayed... for long periods of time... the nice new microbrewery seemed much more appropriate.
So why a Mommy group you may ask since the name of this blog is "The Feather in the Empty Nest" which suggests my nest is of the proverbial empty sort. Well here's how I talked myself into it....
I'm a Mom...a Mother right? My kids are 25, 23 and 20 but hell ya I'm a MOM...probably more of MOM than they are since I've been doing it a heck of lot longer. I deserve to be there right? I sure as shit do! I'm sure they will all be brimming with questions on how I did things and I can reminisce over how it used to be and tell them how lucky they are to have the things they have now and how easy they have it...ya that's the plan....I haven't met a decent friend since moving here over a year ago but dammit I used to meet friends through my kids and granted it was not a Mommy group but same concept right? And so what that I did what they are doing 20+ years ago....this method of friend finding hasn't been used up yet... I won't let it be! So off I went.
Good news is that I'm not a beer drinker and I found some hard cider on the menu that was wicked tasty so it will make me go back another night. The rest... well it was so bad that by the end of the short night I was laughing out loud (and to myself) at the sheer ludicrousness of this attempt. I went... I endured...I came home... and I decided to start this blog. I found a good choice on a beer menu and decided to blog about it....night not a total failure?... check! All I can hear in my head now is "lookin' for love in all the wrong places" ......
So not only am I not a "Mommy" anymore... but even when I was these were not women I would have ever chosen to be friends with. Passive aggressive, spoiled and snooty is all I can say...can you be blatantly rude and passive aggressive all at the same time? If so these gals have it down to an exact science. But the thing that struck me the most about it is how far I have really moved past the Mom stage and into the ME stage. I mean, I'm a MOM of course... I've earned that badge along with many others... and I'm still the go to for all kinds of stuff for my kids. But I think about myself so much more now... my needs... my wants... my desires. I don't define myself based on my kids and what they are or are not doing anymore. I don't compete using my kids anymore (don't judge.. you know you do it) and I see my children as separate adult individuals making their own choices that have nothing to do with how it reflects on me or anything I did to screw them up or boost them up. Their mistakes are not my mistakes anymore--that shits on them!
And you know what? I have great kids...independent... strong... helpful... loving... so I guess they make it easy because I am so damn proud of them! But they've got this.... and I have my life back. I was grateful to give it when I did, would not ever change a thing... but it's mine now to do as I will.
The feathers in the empty nest are me...all the sacrifices I made to keep them safe and warm and healthy... I was happy to pluck pieces of myself and strew them all around...it was my job to provide that cushion and I was happy and proud to do it...well most of the time ;) But the kids don't need my nest or my feathers anymore. They took what they needed and rightly so... it's their turn to fly and make nests of their own if they do so choose. But what to do with all these feathers?
Stay tuned.......
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