Life after Love after Divorce

My last post I was sort of in a relationship and trying to figure out what that looks like after divorce when you don't have all kinds of other ties holding you together....just the way you feel about each other.  Well, I found that it wasn't enough to hold it together. Now granted the person I was seeing was not super available, had a lot of life obligations, which is fine.  But I found myself needing more from him and then I found myself resenting the fact that I needed more from him.

Bottom line is that it wasn't a good fit, but it did leave me with something valuable that I didn't have before.  Before I was looking for a relationship to be complete.  Now I see how having one sort of split me instead of keeping me whole.  I tend to get into this sacrificial position without even realizing it where my needs are pushed aside for someone else's feelings.  Don't get me wrong... I think it's OK for that to happen sometimes in a temporary way... like the person is having a bad day so you put your need to talk about the budget aside until it's a better time.  No what I'm talking about is the MAJOR stuff.  The major decisions that another person makes that just make you feel like crap because it effects you and in order to stay in the relationship you have to put your feelings aside on the matter permanently.

Ya so like I said, what this round left me with is the sense that I won't ever stay in a relationship that I find myself doing that with.  Just is not going to happen. And at this point I no longer believe I need a relationship to be complete.  In fact it's the polar opposite...I AM complete... I AM whole... I respect myself and listen to myself and know myself.  I am responsible for my own happiness.  All relationships I've had so far have broken into that belief a bit and have torn in down to the point where I started to even wonder how I felt about things. At this point I have no desire to start down that path with another person.  That's what this has left me... not needing a relationship to feel like I'm living my life to the fullest.  I can say it's a pretty damn nice feeling. ...

Stay Tuned....

Love After Divorce

....."Love is a many splendored thing".....Hmmmm maybe...

Love after divorce... does it exist and if so what does it look like.  I'm starting to find out but it's still a process.  I think when many of us get divorced and feel like we are ready to move on to the next person, we tend to formulate some sort of list.  Could be written, could be mental, could be something we start talking about to other people... I really want a guy that_____.  I suppose it's natural.  Typically there are some good reasons why we are divorced and we certainly don't want a repeat of the life experiences that led to a bad break up. After divorce we certainly know many things we don't want so it's natural to make sure those things don't get on the list.

What I'm finding is that it's much more complex when it finally does happen.  No one is perfect and no one will fit everything on your "list" and if they did boredom would naturally set in... come on.. admit it... you know you would get bored without some kind of a challenge. My experience the second time around is learning to let go of the list and to really get to know someone and appreciate them for who they are.  I think having "the list" is a way of keeping the old relationship alive in the new.  After all, why was the list there to begin with?  It's because the last relationship put it there.

A few pieces of advice.
1. Don't put your happiness in someone else's hand....they will drop it every single time.
2. Don't sacrifice yourself with the supposed understanding that after you do some how your partner will see that you sacrificed and hold your open heart in their hands and not ever hurt it.
3. Make decisions based on what makes YOU happy.  In the end it's the only way not to have regrets.

Stay tuned!